Saturday, December 02, 2006
Put Up With ? Does He Love Me When ?
There are those times when I am keenly aware of the drive or compulsion to do. These desires are not necessarily bad. When I want to escape from life, I work. I can come up with some of the most creative ways to make the work seem necessary. I know the truth. I also know that my flesh may win today and I will find myself compulsively working.
While I was accessing my day, I realized I was expecting that God would put up with me.
This feeling of, that God puts up with me, always seems to make God more distant somehow. Like He is on the other side of a lake and I am trying to shout over to Him , hoping He will hear me.
It occurred to me that this is not what He had said He would do if I give in to my compulsion.
This is where I in my mind had put Him. In fact since the plans of "work" were creeping into my prayer time. I had already put Him there. Before I had even given in, I was ready to punish myself with a distant relationship, rather than the one I could have today.
What woke me up was a knowing that He loves me. Love is not defined as being put up with.
Love is unfailing, all the time.
While I was accessing my day, I realized I was expecting that God would put up with me.
This feeling of, that God puts up with me, always seems to make God more distant somehow. Like He is on the other side of a lake and I am trying to shout over to Him , hoping He will hear me.
It occurred to me that this is not what He had said He would do if I give in to my compulsion.
This is where I in my mind had put Him. In fact since the plans of "work" were creeping into my prayer time. I had already put Him there. Before I had even given in, I was ready to punish myself with a distant relationship, rather than the one I could have today.
What woke me up was a knowing that He loves me. Love is not defined as being put up with.
Love is unfailing, all the time.
