Saturday, April 21, 2007
Something's Missing
It was huge ! It was not suppose to be there ! I had drug it in and started adding to it years and years ago. I thought it fit my decor. I thought it was suitable for the neighborhood I lived in. No one would think it was to flashy or show offish. Perhaps some would even like it, because they had one like it.
Of course I began to notice it was causing me some problems. It was big,(like I have mentioned) and something I had brought in and added to, (also mentioned) but it did not belong in this temple for the Holy Ghost.
I thought it really wouldn't matter if I kept it, until I was awakened at 3:00 a.m. the other night and became keenly aware that to keep this idol , I would be most wrong.
I use to like believing that if you really got to know me, you would not like me. I thought it only fair to warn you, so you would not be disappointed.
However, I will not be doing that any more, (believing for God's grace to help me not do this, I say.)
My little idol of "you won't like me" loomed up at me the other night and I thought it was hideous ! If it looked that bad to me, I can only imagine how bad it has been looking to you . I am trying to get over the embarrassment of it.
I have lived for a long time now in a world of change. Boundaries and no co-dependency , whose yard is it , and whose really responsible for this action are common threads for thought. They did not exist in my world prior to a desire for healing so my world has been changing ever since I started welcoming these things in.
However, I kept the little "you won't like me" idol , even though I knew that learning to respect your boundaries would probably be an asset for me and friendships.
I kept the "you won't like me" idol when I knew that I would set my heart to give to you not because I expected something in return, but simply because you were there and God loved you, and He was saying ,"give." I guess I always knew there would be more to fixing me than that, so I would hang on to it.
I knew there were and are those unexplainable things I do, that are considered , rude , obnoxious, oh that's a long enough list.
Those unexplainable things could sometimes be defined as hiding styles, (people sometimes hide from love . Did you know that ?) At one time I thought I might learn to not hide , and I still have not given up on that . I wanted to love you now, is what has thrown a wrench in the works , so to speak. I wanted to love you but protect you somehow and let you know I have this idol, "you won't like me" .
Only now I have decided to throw it out ! An enemy might try to sneak it back in , but I am going to try to stay on guard and watch so it will not settle in and get embedded like it had once before.
I am a temple for the Holy Ghost ! Why in the world would I let that thing take up the foyer of my temple ? It was so big, I bet you never even knew there were other rooms to explore, more to know about me than that.
I have decided to throw it out, because I have decided to love you, not because of the things you do, but because you are you. I have decided to throw it out because I can not give love I am not willing to accept. I have decided to throw it out because I want to give you a chance to like, (or love) me not based on what I do , but because I am here. That means those undesirable things I do , won't matter to you and the nice things I do, well, that will just be pleasant while they last.
Are you understanding what I am talking about ? I know several people who , (like me) need to learn to see that what we do and who we are , are two different things.
This does not mean that what we do should not be looked at. It just means that what you do , I may not like. Who you are gives me every reason to love you, if you were created in the image of God.
It does not mean that I will not protect myself from what you do if I feel it is something that I should avoid being around. However, there will be some way to love you still , for you just being you.
With the idol out of the foyer of my temple , I will just have to hope that you can do the same.
Probably you are in the same fix that I am in. You have to absolutely believe this is how God is looking at us and that His love is unconditional.
Well, I want to be like Him . I have it from good authority that my temple being filled with the Holy Spirit will only help this come about. Maybe with my removing this idol it will make way for a whole new area of the Holy Spirit to live in me ! That can only be good. I'll let you know.
Of course I began to notice it was causing me some problems. It was big,(like I have mentioned) and something I had brought in and added to, (also mentioned) but it did not belong in this temple for the Holy Ghost.
I thought it really wouldn't matter if I kept it, until I was awakened at 3:00 a.m. the other night and became keenly aware that to keep this idol , I would be most wrong.
I use to like believing that if you really got to know me, you would not like me. I thought it only fair to warn you, so you would not be disappointed.
However, I will not be doing that any more, (believing for God's grace to help me not do this, I say.)
My little idol of "you won't like me" loomed up at me the other night and I thought it was hideous ! If it looked that bad to me, I can only imagine how bad it has been looking to you . I am trying to get over the embarrassment of it.
I have lived for a long time now in a world of change. Boundaries and no co-dependency , whose yard is it , and whose really responsible for this action are common threads for thought. They did not exist in my world prior to a desire for healing so my world has been changing ever since I started welcoming these things in.
However, I kept the little "you won't like me" idol , even though I knew that learning to respect your boundaries would probably be an asset for me and friendships.
I kept the "you won't like me" idol when I knew that I would set my heart to give to you not because I expected something in return, but simply because you were there and God loved you, and He was saying ,"give." I guess I always knew there would be more to fixing me than that, so I would hang on to it.
I knew there were and are those unexplainable things I do, that are considered , rude , obnoxious, oh that's a long enough list.
Those unexplainable things could sometimes be defined as hiding styles, (people sometimes hide from love . Did you know that ?) At one time I thought I might learn to not hide , and I still have not given up on that . I wanted to love you now, is what has thrown a wrench in the works , so to speak. I wanted to love you but protect you somehow and let you know I have this idol, "you won't like me" .
Only now I have decided to throw it out ! An enemy might try to sneak it back in , but I am going to try to stay on guard and watch so it will not settle in and get embedded like it had once before.
I am a temple for the Holy Ghost ! Why in the world would I let that thing take up the foyer of my temple ? It was so big, I bet you never even knew there were other rooms to explore, more to know about me than that.
I have decided to throw it out, because I have decided to love you, not because of the things you do, but because you are you. I have decided to throw it out because I can not give love I am not willing to accept. I have decided to throw it out because I want to give you a chance to like, (or love) me not based on what I do , but because I am here. That means those undesirable things I do , won't matter to you and the nice things I do, well, that will just be pleasant while they last.
Are you understanding what I am talking about ? I know several people who , (like me) need to learn to see that what we do and who we are , are two different things.
This does not mean that what we do should not be looked at. It just means that what you do , I may not like. Who you are gives me every reason to love you, if you were created in the image of God.
It does not mean that I will not protect myself from what you do if I feel it is something that I should avoid being around. However, there will be some way to love you still , for you just being you.
With the idol out of the foyer of my temple , I will just have to hope that you can do the same.
Probably you are in the same fix that I am in. You have to absolutely believe this is how God is looking at us and that His love is unconditional.
Well, I want to be like Him . I have it from good authority that my temple being filled with the Holy Spirit will only help this come about. Maybe with my removing this idol it will make way for a whole new area of the Holy Spirit to live in me ! That can only be good. I'll let you know.
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thank you, I just came home after facilitating my first small group meeting of truefaced. That is how I found you. What a wonderful piece. We all have idols but truly exposing them is so very difficult. I will enjoy your journey. In HIM.
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